All the Small Things...

A Few Husbandly Observations and the Miracle Baby

Hello to all of the Gillian blog readers out there. This is Dan, Gillian's husband, writing. Gillian has no idea that I am doing this (don't be mad), but I have had a few observations that I just felt like sharing with everyone and can perhaps explain Gillian's long blogging absence. Many of you may already know about the "6 months from hell" where she had a 12 week miscarriage followed by the tragic passing of her 27 year old brother followed by another 12 week miscarriage all within a six month period. Well as you could imagine, it left her quite empty among other things. Now, obviously she didn't post much during that time, but after the second miscarriage she became a blogging fool. I think blogging had become her outlet and a source of connecting with others without having to see people face to face and have to carry on small talk and answer all the "how are you doing" questions. I believe it helped her a lot. So thank you everyone for reading and commenting and "being there" for her. Anyway, sometime in August of 07 we got the great news of baby Keiran being on the way, but naturally were very guarded about getting excited. Eventually it became clear that all was well with the baby and a funny thing happened. Gillian stopped blogging. It was like the emptiness was filled, or at least patched up. Gillian became herself again and I had many people mention to me that she seemed to be glowing. Everyone assumed that it was due to the pregnancy but it was really just that she was back to the same Gillian that I have known for the past 17 years. Well then came the little (big) guy and what a blessing he has been to our family. He has individually changed each member of our family for the better. It is amazing to see our family's transformation so far and he is only 5 months old! So now Gillian is back in the blogging saddle, I think because she realized how much she enjoyed it and a little prodding by all of you.  So anyway, sorry for the rambling but I just wanted to give an explanation for the absence (at least in my opinion) and to say thanks to all of you. And to my beautiful wife, I love you, I'm happy to have my GuGu Bear back (sorry I know that is so overly sappy) and I'm glad that you are posting again because I too am a fan of "All the Small Things".

New e-mail address...

FYI...

[email protected]

A Treat From Dan...

So as I explained forever ago, I had GESTATIONAL DIABETES.  Total nightmare, but thank Heavens that's  all over and done with.  So when you have this lovely disease, sugar is out of the question.  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  Sugar is my life.  Wa Wa...

Okay, so the second Keiran came out of me I was allowed to eat sugar again and my Dan made sure my first sugar high in 9 months was going to be a good one! 

My FAVORITE... Chocolate Chocolate Chip bundt cake from one of my favorite places on earth NOTHING BUNDT CAKES. 

Seriously, how GORGEOUS is that cake?!?!?!  If you think it tastes good, you should taste it!

It's MY Day...

Okay, so I've been gone forever.  Sorry!  :(

My attention has been on growing this baby, I must admit, but I just HAD to blog today because

a-  I had the time

and

b-  Dan told me that I DAD to!

SO... today I got home from church later than the rest of the family because I had a meeting and I walked into my bedroom to find this--

Dan had set up my Oscar viewing station on the couch in my bedroom.  Pillows, an Oscar Preview TV Guide which he bought me, an Oscar ballot sheet he prints out for us every year, my remotes, my iphone (to text my friends during the show and take any calls), my laptop so I could blog, and of course lots of sugar free snacks from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company (which he bought me too). 

So here I am in sheer HEAVEN!!!

Well, the show is starting so I must go!  YEAH!!!!!! 

Thanks, Dan... you're the best!

Me and Gestational Diabetes...

So this has been my life for the last few months...

It's a big ol' bag of fun!  The weird thing  is that I've gotten used to it.  I don't even think about it anymore- unless I'm at the mall and pass Godiva!

So here's a glimpse into my life:

Wake up- test blood

Before eating breakfast- test blood

1 hour after eating breakfast- test blood

Snack

Before eating lunch- test blood and a shot in the stomach if I know I won't be able to eat perfectly

1 hour after eating lunch- test blood

Snack

Before eating dinner- test blood

1 hour after eating dinner- test blood

Snack

Right before bed- test blood and shot in the stomach

I usually end up testing my blood 1 or 2 more times a day if I'm not feeling good... just to be sure.

SO...  I test my blood 8-10 times and day and give myself shots 1-2 times a day.  The scary thing is that I'm only 25 weeks prego and it's only going to get worse.  The more my hormones increase, the worse my insulin levels will get.  This means by the end of my pregnancy, I will probably be giving myself 4 shots a day.  Mercy!

The crazy thing is that with this VERY restrictive diet I'm on, I lost 15 pounds off the bat and haven't gained a pound since!!!  I swear, usually by this point I've gained like 30 pounds.  I wish I was kidding!  I bought a few maternity things, but they're still WAY too big for me.  I anticipated my normal growth and bought way too big.  I'm 6 months along and still in most of my normal clothes.  My belly is big, but nowhere close to what I'm used to.  I'm probably the only person on the face of the earth to have lost weight over the holidays!  lol

Okay, this post was kind of martyr-y!  I didn't intend it to sound that way.  I just thought I'd give you a peek into the life of gestational diabetes. 

Fingers crossed this is never something that you have to go through, BUT... if you do it is worth every single shot and prick of the finger.  The light at the end of the tunnel is that as soon as the baby comes out, it goes away... I pray!  Anything for this little guy though!!!

The Diaper Bag...

Dan bought me the most darling Petunia Pickle Bottom Idealic Istanbul Shoulder Diaper Bag for Christmas.  It's the new kind with the glazed canvas, so it wipes off wonderfully.  Thanks, babe- I LOVE it!

I've Been A Bad, Bad Blogger...

and it's all his/her fault!!!

YES!!!  Meet the newest Greding baby!

We couldn't be happier.  This is something that we've wanted for years now, but it just wasn't in the cards for us, I suppose... until now.  I am 13 weeks pregnant and due April 14th!

Unfortunately, I have a slight problem that this little one brought along with it... gestational diabetes.  :(  It has pretty much rocked my world and has left me feeling upside down most of the time, but it is worth every bit of hardship to have this baby.  I just kind of feel like a lab rat most of the time.  It seems if I'm not pricking my fingers, or eating the EXACT food I'm supposed to be eating, or throwing up, or feeling like I'm on a spinning ride at Magic Mountain, then I'm sleeping.  It's CRAZY!!!  I'm not complaining though... I would do ANYTHING to keep this baby healthy.  I think it's just something that I'm going to get used to, but for the last 2 months, it has rocked me to the core.

I'm sorry for all the e-mails I haven't answered and all the blogs I haven't visited.  I am slowly trying to work my way back to a semi-normal existence and will do my best to write back to all of you. 

I would LOVE to hear from any of you who have been through this.  I'd love to hear any advice you have to give. 

Thank you all for continuing to read my often tardy blog.  This is going to be such a fun adventure for me and I can't wait to share it with you.  Just think of all the baby stuff I'll be making!!!  Think of all the baby shower gifts you'll learn to make!  lol  I'm already dying to make my first project... couture burp rags and bibs!  I suppose I should find out the sex, huh?  For now... everything will be cream and green, I suppose!  Oh, listen to me go on!  lol

Life Goes On...

Well, another "anniversary" has passed and we survived.

We do everything to take our minds off of it.  It doesn't work. 

It's the elephant in the room.  It's actually the elephant in the room standing directly on our chests keeping us from taking a single full breath all day.

I make certain to not look at a calendar or anything that says AUGUST 18 all day.  I hate August.  I hate the number 18.  I HATE 2005. 

For the first year after Scott died, I couldn't understand how life went on.  I drove in my car looking at different people wishing for their troubles.  The first week I remember looking at people eating in restaurants and going to movies and wondered HOW COULD THEY?!?!??!!  Didn't they know what I was going through?  I didn't know how the world hadn't stopped.

I felt like this poem:

W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

.................................................................................................................................................

It's now 2 years later and I still sleep with the TV on, so I don't wake up without sound.  I still have a phobia of answering the phone (waiting for the next bit of bad news).  I'm never feel completely at ease if Dan or the kids aren't with me.  I've become a worrier.  I can't look at my parents without feeling sad.  I can't look at a picture of Scott without averting my eyes quickly.  I can't think about my childhood anymore.  I can't look at photos before August 2005 without thinking "We had no idea what was about to happen to us."  I can't ever be the person I was before.

NOW with all that being said, I have learned some very important lessons that I otherwise wouldn't have. 

I know that I HAVE to live the life I want NOW... tomorrow is promised to no one.  I have learned to get rid of the drama.  I have learned to love Dan more than I could ever could have imagined was possible and let him know that daily. I have learned that screaming at my children is not how I want to be remembered.  I have learned that I have good friends.  I have learned that kindness is never forgotten and is the most important quality a person can have.  I have learned that I want to be remembered amongst my friends as being kind.

I have learned that life goes on...

Sorry Girls...

this is a rough time of year for me.   sad

I'll be back posting soon...

What Delivery is...

better than UPS, USPS and Fed-Ex combined?

Two words:  WASTE MANAGEMENT, baby!!!

Tomorrow this piece of loveliness will be sitting in front of my house and I swear, I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

Goodbye broken toys, old kitchenware, garage stuff that will NEVER be used (even though Dan insists it will be), unusable bikes and kiddie pools... all of the stuff that makes me grind my teeth when I see it.  ALL GONE!!!

Dan is at Scout Camp with Patrick and you know what they say:

When the cat's away...  the mice will do what Daddy mouse has promised to do for 3 months now and hasn't. 

Okay, so I revised the saying a little...